I’m beyond sick of this feeling. This uneasy, queazy feeling because I cannot stand confrontation. I have a few things that are non-negotiable and once again they have been compromised. 

I’m lost and confused and I need direction. 

I’ll of course bounce back and move on from this feeling, I’ll burry it, but it hasn’t really gone away in a long while. 

I’ve been taken advantage of for my support and love before and I really hope that isn’t what is happening again. 

Give and take is what a relationship consists of, but what happens when the things that are must important to me are really taken? 

My life has been pretty insane lately, with some good and some not good at all.

To start off light- school is swallowing me whole, but thankfully we are just about at midterms. I just don’t have time like I should for homework. And I am just beyond ready to be done with school. 1.5 semesters left.

Good- I got a promotion at my retail store, which means I am now a part-time manager and I got a raise! My role is not completely different, but I am on my way to moving up in that company or to build my resume once I’m ready to move on. I also love where I am at work, the position and most of the people. Of course, my responsibility leads to more stress in my case, but hey, if there is one thing I need to improve on its my stress management, and I believe in improving while doing.

More good- My man and I have a little date night tomorrow. We are going to a concert of a band we both really like. We have been doing a lot of staying in, cooking and watching movies/tv, which I have no complaints about. However, I am really excited for us to go out and do something fun.

Not so good at all- I recently lost two people in my family. One of which I was very close to and one of which was very close to someone I was close with. So last week included 37 hours of work, classes, a wake, a funeral and a memorial service. I have been so blessed with never really dealing with a death close to me before and this has really opened my eyes. 

Overall, I need more hours in a day, but for now I’ll deal the best I can with 24, and I am really happy where things are going, but somewhat impatient to get them coming faster.

So between my school, internship, student organization and my long-distance-military relationship going through a lot, I am starting to crack. Everything seems so much more than it used to. School is harder. Work is more serious. Student Org is much more time consuming. My boyfriend needs to focus on his stuff at a time when I selfishly need support and comfort from him. Communication between us is back to a minimum. I also have a lot going on with my roommates and friends. It’s all too much for me, which makes me feel like a failure.

I’m stressed out and sick of being that way. Hello anxiety, I think we are going to become very close these next few days. Hey tears, I feel you creeping back. Hi emotions I hate to have, I see you’re here again.

I need to get through a few days or weeks (the time this will take is To Be Determined) and then I will be able to look back and be proud. Just getting there is the difficult part.

/end rant. 

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Today when I went into my internship I found out that one of my coworkers has just passed away. She was the one who found me and brought me in for the interview for the internship I now have. She was 26 years young. She passed away due to a car accident. May she rest in peace. 

No one ever knows what is going to happen. There is not enough time to waste being stupid or hurtful. I have been going through some stuff with one side of my family and I realized today It’s not worth it to fight. It is not worth it to waste my time being upset when I could be happy. I’m getting the toxins out of my life. 

New perspective : live life to the fullest. Do what makes you happy. Be grateful for what you have.